“Miracle Story”

…straight from my oncologist’s mouth! 😍 While I’ve noted and thanked God for many miracles on this journey, it’s pretty rare to hear that language in the doctor’s office. I’ll take it!!

The main news: CLEAR SCANS!! 🙌 🥳️ 😭 ♥️

Why yes, this is a picture of my CT scan report!

This is my first scan report (maybe ever?) that has noted absolutely nothing amiss. May I direct your attention to the 11 uses of the term “unremarkable” and the best words ever, “No metastatic disease” ?? 🙌 “Unremarkable” is code for “normal,” or nothing that looks unusual or problematic. When it comes to cancer, we want the cells in the body to sit down and mind their own business. Everyone has a job to do, and all the cells in our body work together to keep us alive. This is not American Idol. Nobody is a star here. 😜 Being “unremarkable” is perhaps the highest compliment my cells (and by extension, my organs) could be given. Hallelujah!! No metastatic disease. No tumors to log. No evidence of prior tumors to compare to previous reports…just, WOW.

My oncologist said she was telling a colleague about my “miracle story.” (Who? What?) If she feels comfortable throwing around that term, I feel license to throw a par-tay! Dr. Tan is a serious lady. This is a big deal!

I asked again, “Can we now say that I’m NED?” (No Evidence of Disease) She said, “…on scans!” 😂 We’re still counting down to that September PET Scan, which will mark 1 year since we detected no active cancer cells in my body. September is only three months away, my friends! We are so very close and I’m super excited. While I don’t yet have the fancy label, I’m praising God for this beautiful scan and such encouraging words from my team!

The Brain MRI is also clear. At the time of writing this post, I’m still waiting to hear back from my neuropsych reevaluation. (You can read about my first evaluation with Dr. Hartzell here!) My brain has been in such wonderful hands since 2021. Now that I’ve completed cognitive therapy, experienced a little part-time work, and had a real job interview, it was time to revisit how my brain is working. While my Fall plans aren’t set in stone, this is the first time I’ve realistically considered returning to education. (Like, in person, with people, etc) I retested for about 3 hours last week, and it was pretty similar to the first one. Repeating strings of numbers, short stories, solving puzzles, following complex directions, etc. It also involved a big interview about my anxiety, what strategies I use, how I’m functioning in groups, and more. I told them that I’m still working on it, but I have noticed a lot of growth this year! I’ve recently presented at two meetings- impressive, eh? 😜 I explained how I typed out my speaking points ahead of time, using my therapy strategies, and was able to get through it without stuttering. I still get pretty nervous and start losing my breath somewhere in the middle, but I can make it through! (If you’ve been in one of those meetings, you know! LOL- bless you for your patience) I’m building that muscle little by little.

My heart grew three sizes when Dr. England said she was so proud of me! #polishesgoldstar She said, “You are actually learning! You’re using your strategies and they’re working!” 🤩 I felt like all the awkward efforts and baby steps actually paid off. Star Patient + Dr. Tan’s “miracle story” = 1 happy Caitlan!

You know, about 90% of this journey has been totally out of my hands. It’s 100% in God’s hands, obviously, but I’d like to think the effort I put forth does actually count. Interestingly enough, the CaringBridge I wrote after my first neuropsych testing (linked above) also mentioned this. Saint Augustine said, "Pray as if everything depended on God. Work as if everything depended on you." I never tried to cure my own cancer, but I’ve certainly done what I could. I took advantage of all the specialists and support groups available to me. I dutifully did whatever homework they prescribed. And yet, other people do what they can and never see changes. So yes, I feel like a Star Patient, but it breaks my heart that not everyone gets to feel “successful” as a patient, and that cancer healing doesn’t necessarily correlate with time and effort one may spend on it. I think about friends I’ve made, and people I’ll never meet. And people that question God’s goodness when that happens, who feel forgotten or alone. 💔

We all walk different paths, and God can use every story (even bad things I do not believe He wanted to happen) to bring Him glory. This just makes me so very humbled and grateful that God decided that healing my body would do that. That allowing me to live a miracle story was the best outcome for Him.

“Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since 'tis my God that leadeth me.” -”He Leadeth Me” (Joseph H. Gilmore)

I’ll keep you posted on the neuropsych results! Until then, I’ll keep snuggling our fluffy cat in our cozy little house, baking cookies, watering flowers, and pinching myself for this beautiful life with my sweet Andrew. 🥰️