Thriver Land
Hi, hello! It’s been a while since I posted a fresh update. What’s happening in Thriver Land, you ask? A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Appointments, working part time, doing little home tasks, writing the newsletter… that’s my life in a nutshell. 😜 Cancer world has many domains. I appreciate that my care is so all-encompassing, and I feel safe knowing that no aspect of my life is going untreated. But at the same time…it never stops. 🤦♀️
Priority #1: Keep you alive. ☑️
Priority #2: Keep you as healthy as possible to reduce all related drama/trauma. #inprogress
My infusions are less frequent for the foreseeable future, which is great. Now we have time to worry about everything else. But, as I said… it never stops. Therapists, referrals, and follow-ups- oh my! I’m excited to add a few more pro’s to the team, but it’s a process. All I have to say is, “Is there someone I could talk to about ___?” And there is! First comes a screening with the “gatekeeper,” (aka- another doctor) who actually decides if my concern warrants (or could be solved by) the therapist in question. (So that’s two appointments right there) After a few weeks of do-it-yourself homework, I win the prize of an in-person appointment with the magical unicorn in the end! Huzzah! 😂
I don’t mind jumping through the hoops. I know that having hoops at all is a blessing in and of itself. I’m hopeful for overall wellness, and appreciate the resources available at Levine’s. Every time we add a therapist, I do try to see if there’s a version here in town…there never is. 🤷♀️ My primary care provider said, “Oh that’s great! There’s nothing like that here!” I am thankful that I have the time (and that Andrew has the time) to drive 90 minutes multiple times a week. I get a little intimidated, though. Taking care of myself is a lot of work right now, and I always question how to balance that with the potential of a full-time job one day.
You know, that fuzzy, mythical idea hanging in the future? That thought spiral that returns every spring? Prayers appreciated for trust in God’s plan, patience for His timing, and faith that He will provide answers when it’s time.
I heard on Instagram that we should “Live like help is already on the way!” AMEN. Everyday I try to remember:
“The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it.” - 1 Thes. 5:24
“The Lord is all I need. He takes care of me. My share in life has been pleasant. My part has been beautiful.” -Psalm 16: 5-6
“This command I give you today is not too hard for you. It is not beyond what you can do.” -Deut. 30:11
I’m not in survival mode, anymore. (Hallelujah!) But trying to thrive, pick up the pieces, and carry on is pretty damn hard, too. Yes, the worries are different. And yes, God is sending the help that I need. AND, yes, I need SO MUCH help all the time. But here’s what help has looked like for me lately:
Appointments that answer questions and give hope for progress.
The time and energy to tackle said appointments.
The time and energy to also work at church and go to meetings and do “real world stuff.” (Progress!)
Appointments/progress for people I love and keep in my prayers.
Good talks with friends and family where I can cry and laugh and let it out.
Excellent podcasts that send just the message I need to hear.
Beautiful sunny days that pull me outside to just be with God.
A warm, snuggly cat that finds me right when I need a hug.
The ability to move my good body. Walks and yoga are ways I thank God for creating me and healing me. My body is a good creation from a good Father, even when I lament what it “should” be able to do.
Writing this blog! Most posts start from a lethargic, angsty place, but somehow turn into this! 🤷♀️ Putting my thoughts down in words helps me see what God is already doing. And I need that.
I’m pretty sure most of my posts follow this pattern: “A lot is happening, here’s what I worry about, here’s how God is helping.” …but I guess that’s all that ever will happen, right? Even as the parameters flux, and my situation evolves, it’s always going to feel busy while I’m living it. I’ll always have worries in my heart. I just pray that God will continue to help me see how He is working in me, around me, and for me. He wants good for me.
It’s so easy to think, “If we could only get to ______ on this journey.” Or, “I’ll be at peace when _______.” But even looking back on good seasons of my life, it never felt particularly restful or worry-free. It’s all a matter of perspective, really. All that to say: I don’t want to wish away this season. I know He’s here with me, and this time serves a purpose. …and that’s a full circle for my wandering heart! 😌 Thanks for riding along! ♥️
